When I think of an “F” I go back to grade school thinking about getting a bad grade and not wanting to show mom the report (yes, I got one F in middle school and it was the last time I ever did thanks to mom!). So if you’re thinking like I am, I totally get you BUT the three F’s I’m talking about are Faith, Family and Friendships.

The past few years have been full of moments of –

• “What the….”
• “How did I get here?”
• “I didn’t think it could get any worse…”
• “What’s around the corner?”

As you get older you start to realize you’re not the first person who thought of all of these things. Leave it to Grandma to put you in your place if you think differently ha!

Faith

This has been the ultimate go to the past few years. You might think, “well why is it not a go to for many years?” You’re right, I’m guilty of many times that I pushed aside putting God first because things were going so smooth. I had a great life, I was in church, had amazing health, great friends and well you get the picture. I never had a moment in life where I didn’t pray or I wasn’t thankful but I got “comfortable.”

I know it’s been a while since I posted something but I can honestly say that time is now starting to fly by again and it’s a very good thing…

I want to jump forward a little bit from the last post and take you to June ’13 of last summer. I got a call from my friend Sierra saying that there was an opportunity to go to Alaska if I was able to go at the end of July. I remember after getting off the phone and there was this moment where it hit me that this was something I needed to do.

Rachel and I took trips together and would plan trips we wanted to take. One of the last things we talked about that last night I saw her is planning a trip to Alaska. It was a place we both wanted to cross off of our list and after what happened I honestly wrote it off because I didn’t want to think about going there without her. Like I explained in the trip to CO to visit Sierra, I knew God was working behind the scenes with that friendship and then for her to open the door to Alaska I knew He was telling me to go. You guessed right, I booked the flight.

At high school graduation I sat there listening to teachers speak and fellow students give encouraging speeches about what’s to come with the future. What stuck out to me and has resonated with me for years after that day is what our guidance counselor, Bebe Jonakin said at the end of her speech.

“Class of 2001, I hope you dance!”

For some reason this just always stuck out to me over the years. The main lyrics and chorus are (if you have never heard of the song by Lea Ann Womack):

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Some amazing words to live by and think about. As I walked out of that graduation I felt the new breeze that everyone does as they start the next chapter of their life…

Fast forward to today and I heard that same song sung by Mandisa yesterday. It has such a different meaning for me now. When I first heard the lyrics I associated them with success, never giving up, dreams, reaching my goals in life etc. I focused on what I thought I should as in chasing my dreams, doing the right thing and never giving up even when people told me it wouldn’t work.

I was wrong.

After Rachel passed away, something changed or actually a lot of things changed to be honest. You see I realized what I had known all along, we are here for one purpose – to bring others to the Lord in all that we do. I always tried to do the right thing, smile at others and be kind so they could see the joy in my life but I was one who got caught up in the way the world is now. – Make a living, get a nice car, have a family, take nice trips, work hard to buy a house you can’t afford and all the above. These words now hit me between the eyes in the fact that I wasn’t doing enough. I know some may think I have changed but I haven’t changed, I just see things a lot clearer than I use to. God never leaves you even in your darkest storms and my family is living proof of that.  This is our temporary home and we have so much more to look forward to when this life passes away.

“Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance…”

I use to look up at the sky with a smile but now I look up with tears in my eyes as the sun hits my face. Not with sadness but with joy because He brought me back to what I know I need to do. I see people with lavish things, fancy outfits, pricey dinners, extravagant trips and they can have all of it because the I have the ultimate gift that’s free just as Rachel did. And that my friends is all that matters.

Right now there is so much going on in our world where sometimes it seems there is no hope but hope is not in the world, it’s in Jesus. You can’t scan the headlines without getting stressed or worrying about what the day will bring but you know that one day you will have no worries. The pastor said today, “Don’t you long for a life with no worry?” That day is the day you accept the Lord and step foot in heaven. I love that Rachel doesn’t have to deal with anything anymore, she’s not missing out – we are.

Photo tonight right after a run…

Whatever you’re holding onto right now, just let it go.

So, I will say to you because it stuck with me for years – I hope you dance.

Yes, it’s taken me a while to even get to the point where I could share what I was thinking at Thanksgiving but here it goes…

When you lose someone, every first thing without them is a very hard thing to swallow. The day or holiday starts to approach and as much as you try to put it aside it still lingers in your mind that you have to face it.

Thanksgiving is one of the Bodi favorite holidays that includes a lot of food and personal favorite dishes we each request from mom. This Thanksgiving was different because there was going to be one empty seat missing that’s been filled for 25 years.

I remember mom asking me one day at the office if we should do something different this year instead of what we always typically did. At first I thought “Yes!” But the more I thought about it I realized we would just be running away and it wouldn’t help the pain that was already there. We all decided to stay home and do things as we normally would and our Aunt would fly down to fill the extra seat that was missing.

The day before Thanksgiving I went for a run that morning and the only thing that was on my mind was Rachel. I was thinking of what it would be like sitting there without her, reliving everything through my mind, dealing with anger and as I turned the corner I came across this…

It literally stopped me in my tracks. I knew immediately it was there for me to laugh and remember to let it all go. That would be exactly something Rachel would do – put a smiley balloon in a random spot just for a giggle. Recurring things like this constantly remind me that it’s okay to laugh and to NOT worry.

After my run I stopped by this church that I once met an older man at that would bring his dog to everyday at 8am and 6pm at night. We would talk about things and he shared his stories of everywhere he’s been to his stories of serving in the navy years ago. When I stopped I saw him sitting there on the curb watching his dog with a huge smile on his face. As I walked up we both said “Happy Thanksgiving” and I sat by him on the curb. He turns to me and says, “You know what people get wrong about the day of Thanksgiving? They focus on how great things in life are going and the things they have in their life around them even to the extent of their fancy car sitting out in the garage. I just turned 78 and I can honestly tell you that the most important things in your life are the relationships in your life and your relationship with the Lord. Everything else fades away or life happens where bad things happen but you know that it’s all part of the plan we can’t see. So despite the bad, always be thankful for the people in your life that continue to lift you up on a daily basis. That’s what matters going through life while also trying to make sure you will see those loved ones again in heaven.”

I sat there as tears started to flow and knew he was exactly right but how did he know what I was thinking or what I was going through? Either way he said what I needed to hear and in a quick moment I remembered it everything was going to be okay. It hit me about the inner peace that I felt even at the funeral that day. It was a peace I can’t fully describe as if He was saying, “It’s okay and she is my hands now.”

God gives us peace, it’s a promise and a gift from the Holy Spirit. He gives us peace to overcome heartbreak, trauma, disaster, struggle, trials, anxiety and disappointment. As hard as it is for us to understand, He has already taken care of the situation so we will trust Him.

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” John 14:27

Too many of us focus on what’s around us to give us peace and meaning in this world. Don’t let worldly “things” take place of where you find your happiness because you will be let down every single time. I say this to myself too but my friends, after going through Rachel’s things that she left behind I can honestly say that nothing in this world matters except being saved by the grace of God.

As I walked back to my place, I walked past a couple standing outside talking about their new car and how it was a prized possession that they now own. I cringe every time I hear that and I would give everything I own to have my sister back, selfishly of course even though I know she wouldn’t want to come back…

What am I trying to tell you? Simply this – this life is a vapor and we are only here for a very short time. Things are going to happen and fall apart all around you. Through trials, disappointment, suffering etc. give thanks because He’s already got the situation under control. He just wants you to trust Him. And believe me, I remind myself everyday of this too.

We took this photo on Thanksgiving day. We always take photos as a family and we just didn’t feel right about not including someone so this is what we came up with… Keep the faith.